Quotes On Satire

I remain just one thing, and one thing only - a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose.

If it's the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, Can I use a lifeline?

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial; it just doesn't work!

I like my wine like my women—ready to pass out.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.